Concerned About Someone?
Helping You Support the Men You Love
Why It’s Hard for Men to Ask for Help
In many cultures, including our own, men are taught to be strong, silent, and self-reliant. Talking about emotions can feel like a threat to their pride, strength, or masculinity. Vulnerability is often misinterpreted as weakness.
But here’s the truth:
Silence isn’t strength. Bottling things up doesn’t make them go away.
And while many men might not ask for help on their own, a supportive voice from someone they trust can make all the difference.
Before offering support, it’s important to be aware of approaches that—while well-intentioned—can actually cause men to shut down further. Here are 4 strategies to avoid when encouraging a man to seek help:
First, What Not to Do
1. Repeating the Ask (a.k.a. Nagging)
Repeated reminders or vague suggestions like “You should really talk to someone…” often lead to frustration. If he shuts down or avoids the topic, asking over and over might just build more resistance.
Instead: Be direct and kind. Say it once, clearly, and then give space for him to reflect.
2. Using Threats or Ultimatums
Statements like “If you don’t go to therapy, I’m leaving,” may trigger defensiveness or shame rather than action.
Instead: Talk about how much his wellbeing (and your relationship) matters to you. Keep the focus on care—not consequences.
3. Playing the Same Game (Retaliating)
Responding to his emotional distance with your own, or acting out to get a reaction, often creates more confusion and hurt.
Instead: Stay steady. Speak honestly about your needs, without mirroring his behaviour.
4. Shutting Down (Emotional Timeout)
Ignoring texts, cancelling plans, or going silent may feel like you’re sending a message—but many men will see it as rejection.
Instead: Share how you feel directly, and invite open conversation. Silence can create more distance, not healing.
Supporting someone’s healing is not about pushing or punishing—it’s about creating trust, space, and safety.
Here are 8 practical ways to support a man you care about in exploring therapy or emotional support—with empathy and respect:
Now, What You Can Do
1. Start With Timing, Not Tension
Bring it up when things are calm—not during conflict or stress. A relaxed setting allows for better listening and less defensiveness.
2. Use Language That Preserves Dignity
Avoid statements like “You need help.” Instead, try:
“You’ve been carrying a lot lately—maybe talking to someone could help.”
“MASC helps men through this kind of thing all the time.”
Make it about strength, not weakness.
3. Acknowledge the Stigma—Then Gently Challenge It
Say something like:
“I know therapy isn’t something guys usually talk about, but working on yourself actually takes courage.”
Normalize help-seeking without making it a lecture.
4. Let Him Hear It From Another Man (If Possible)
Share a podcast, video clip, or quote from someone he might relate to—especially another man. Sometimes, hearing it from someone “like him” carries more weight.
5. Offer to Take the First Step With Him
Offer to help fill out the intake form, drive him to the appointment, or simply sit with him during the process. That first step is often the hardest.
6. Focus on What He Could Gain
Talk about the benefits: better sleep, less stress, stronger focus, or peace of mind.
Most men are more motivated by what they gain than by what’s “wrong.”
7. Celebrate Small Progress
If he opens up even a little, or agrees to explore support, acknowledge it. Positive reinforcement goes a long way.
8. Keep the Door Open
If he’s not ready now, don’t force it. Stay supportive and remind him that the door is always open—without judgment or pressure.
Final Thoughts
You don’t have to fix him—and it’s not your responsibility to carry his struggles.
But your support can be the reason he takes that first step.
Change happens when people feel safe—not when they feel shamed.
Whether you’re a mother, partner, friend, or son—your presence and care matter more than you know.
How MASC Can Support You
